Back To Square One

A Lifestyle, A Journey, & A God Given Identity.

Introduction

The meaning behind the name “Back To Square One” came up as a result of finding clarity in a state of confusion. I found myself at a crossroads where I was uncertain about so many things in my life such as my career, my faith, the things I enjoyed to do, and the underlying meaning and purpose behind my life. I believe I wasn’t alone when I experienced this which is why many of you are here today. I had a void in my heart that needed to be filled and every quick fix scheme I had tried or temporarily relied on ended up failing. Therefore my prayer was: “God - What do I do? Where do I go? And who am I?”. This initially sounded like a complaint that I would mutter under my breath but I grew to understand it as a prayer because it genuinely came up from the depths of my heart. These are three questions that are all answered in the Bible and understood through revelation. After a while I began to sense a common answer for each one and it sounded something like this:

1. God wanted me to do the things I did at first. (Revelation 2:5)

2. God wanted me to go where he was leading me to. (Psalms 23:3)

3. God wanted me to be who he called me to be. (1 Peter 2:9)

All of a sudden my state of confusion was streamlined down a path that was illuminated by the presence of God. I took several trips down memory lane and looked back to the times of my childhood when my life was filled with joy. I loved the simple things such as playing sports, pleasing and honouring my parents, and being myself without the pressure of conformity. However things took a turn as I “matured” out of childhood. I began to have a mind of my own that wasn’t in subjectivity to any form of authority. Like many of us, I became prideful in believing that I lost my immaturity; but what I truly lost was my innocence, my hope and my joy. After hitting several painful roadblocks in my life, I realised that my soul could never thrive without returning to that place of dependency. I was searching for this in several places but only in the Bible did I see an identity as a child which highlighted my curiosity. In order to have a Father you must believe that you are a child but many people only come to that realisation after life hands out tough blows to humble them back into that position of dependency. This is what it means to go Back to Square One. Going back to retrieve your true identity; no matter how long it takes for you to get there. Through this letter I will be taking you on a practical journey on how to go back to square one. This is not a one and done process; it is the lifelong process of discovering and living in your God given identity for the purpose in which you have been called to fulfil.

Taking Inventory: What Are You Doing?

You can go Back To Square One today by taking an honest inventory of your life. It is very easy to let the things that you are doing cloud the true state of your soul, but the things you do also point to the state of your soul. Make a list of everything that you do on a day to day basis and analyse what fills up your time. Once you have done so, the next step would be to compare these things with the evident consequences that your current way of living has on your life. From this analysis you can genuinely answer if your way of living is providing the best solution to the problems of your soul. What changed my way of thinking was remembering the times of true hope and joy and that was when I was a child. I understand that not everyone has had a glamorous childhood either, so this is not what I am referring to. I am referring to the time before your hope was stifled by the darkness of the world - whenever that was and whatever that looks like. The table below is an illustration of the mindset that set me on a journey back to square one. The table shows some of my lifestyle habits before things started to change.

This table exemplifies how your problems in life never truly change but there are different things you can do to tackle the same problem. Take stress as an example, a feeling that no one truly enjoys. Stress is treated in various ways; some being more successful than others. Therefore the problem lies in what you do to deal with stress and the consequences that you reap as a result of it. It is the damaging effect of the consequences you deal with that kill all the hope you once had in life. This is how you go from living to be to living to feel. The moment you take God out of your problems you take your identity out of your life. Now it becomes a cycle of inadequate activities to treat unhealed wounds at the expense of your hope and your joy. The journey of healing, growth and improvement only begins when you invite the maker of your life into your life and everything you do with it.

The Journey: Where Are You Going?

Life is a journey but the problems come when you find yourself on a journey where you don’t know where you’re headed to. Can you really consider a journey to be worthwhile if you are pulled apart in different directions? The mental analysis of understanding where you are headed to in life is what comes from asking God where he is leading you to. However, the activity of analysing your actions alongside the consequences and reasons behind them show you where you are taking yourself to. When I look back at my activities throughout my life; every action that came with devastating consequences just so happened to be rooted in the things God opposes through his word. This is why the Bible explicitly states that the wages of sin is death. It was revealed to me that a part of my soul experienced death in different ways as a consequence of my participation in sin and unwise decisions. I witnessed the death of joy, hope and peace. I also witnessed death physically with the loss of relationships, good health and even finances. It is safe to say that I experienced a glimpse of the destination of my life’s journey when I was leading myself.

This is what the LORD says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’

Jeremiah 6:16 NLT

Asking God to lead you down his path and to do things his way is what it looks like to walk in the journey of going back to square one. However, resisting his will for your desires only takes you to a destination of lifeless consequences. A place where hopelessness becomes your reality and misery becomes your joy. Fortunately, no one was ever designed or destined to stay there. God provides a way and a destination and you have the opportunity to freely draw from that way.

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.

Psalms 23:3 NKJV

Now take a look at my example illustrated through the table once again; or take a look at your personal life activity inventory. The reasons behind your actions are all attempts to restore an evidently broken soul. As you “mature” and become more independent the prideful nature of your humanity leads you down a path of unrighteousness for your will and your name’s sake. But God acknowledges your brokenness, your misguided journey and ultimately your fabricated identity. Therefore he provides himself as the solution.

Identity: Who Are You?

It is easy to find an identity in the created things of this world but going Back to Square One is about finding your identity in the source of creation itself. Your identity is ultimately what makes you aligned with your destiny; and the things you do to satisfy your soul will never be enough without an understanding of your identity. This goes beyond being confident and being sure of yourself. It isn’t difficult to put confidence in man made things; neither is it difficult to be confident in a fabricated identity. The journey of self-discovery cannot be achieved with self reliance; and this is what I grew to learn throughout my life. When I decided to study the problems of my soul (as mentioned earlier), I realised that the closest thing I ever experienced to soulful rest was through childhood. What makes childhood different to adulthood is the notion of dependency and being dependent is what makes you a child once again.

He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 1:10-13

There it is. You have the right to become a child of God and the right to recognise this as the foundation of your identity. You have the right to become dependent on a loving father to heal the areas of your life that need healing and to turn you away from the destructive ways of living that consequently lead to death. For those of you who are fed up with the will of the flesh and the will of man; true transformation only comes from believing in his name and his will. This is what your God given identity is: to be a child of God.