The Object of Your Confidence

True Confidence In Who You Are; Not How You Perform.

Introduction

I always start these letters with a personal story. If you have been reading my writing for a while you’d know that I have become an ever growing fan of self reflection. I love studying human behaviour and more especially the experiences of my youth. This form of thinking allows me to reflect, heal and understand my growth and development as a person in ways I would otherwise have dismissed. As I sit here writing to you in a quiet coffee shop, the word “confidence” comes to mind. Along with the word comes a vivid story from my childhood that got me thinking.

At the age of 11, I played for a local south London football team with my two best friends. We were under a youth development program that prepares young boys for professional football careers with pathways to premier league football academies. The three of us were inseparable; and not only that, we were also the most talented in our year group. The feeder academy had high hopes for all three of us to go ahead and get that breakthrough opportunity at a premier league academy. Later that year came the first split in our trio. One of us got the first big breakthrough; West Ham United came calling. That left me and my other friend working hard in high hopes for another opportunity. To our delight, we both got offered a trial at Chelsea football club. The coaches there believed in our talent; so off we went to showcase everything we had been working so hard for. When we started training with the academy boys at Chelsea, I noticed something for the first time in my life. I was finally playing football with players just as, or even more talented than I was. This damaged my confidence and I began to retract into my shell as opposed to standing tall with unwavering assurance. At the time, my mum noticed that I wasn’t myself, and it was affecting my performances. From the sidelines, she didn’t tell me to PLAY better; she simply told me that I WAS better. My confidence at the time was so low that I struggled to believe her; but in hindsight I know exactly what she was doing.

She knew that the object of my confidence was misguided so she tried to steer it back to something more stable. All the other boys stood tall in something other than their ability. Some stood in the confidence of the badge of Chelsea football club woven on their kits, while others stood in the confidence of their family name or even where they came from. Every confident player had built his self belief on something greater than his performances. From this experience; I learned a valuable lesson that has stuck with me ever since.

Be Confident In Who You Are; not How You Perform.

Now if my football career worked out I probably wouldn’t be writing letters to you about God on substack; but here we are. My friend and I both got a letter of rejection after a short spell at Chelsea. It was disappointing and it didn’t do much to boost my confidence either. Life has a funny way of leading you to places so far away from your dreams and ambitions while using the lessons learnt from those very ambitions to shape your current worldview (how humbling 😂). The valuable lesson learnt here was that I trusted in my performance until I saw others perform even better than the pinnacle of my trust. No matter what walk of life you find yourself in, your identity will always influence your confidence. The other boys I played football with performed better, not because they believed in their abilities so much, but because they believed in the identity that fuelled their abilities.

Many years later, I found myself in repeated cycles of disappointment and some of you reading this will probably share the same sentiments. If your confidence is in your ability to perform then your confidence will always be at the mercy of your ability. This way of thinking is not reliable and it will eventually have you shrinking back in fear producing fruits of doubt and insecurity the very moment your performance falls short of your hopes. Now imagine if you took that trial, that job interview, or that next step, on the basis of WHO you ARE as opposed to WHAT you are “ABLE” to DO.

Take a moment to reflect on a personal life experience where your confidence was knocked. Then proceed to reflect on the OBJECT of your confidence in that very moment. Was it in your ability to perform? Or was it rooted in an identity? Without answering the question for you, my experiences lead me to believe that the biggest confidence killer comes from a performance based foundation.

The Mastermind Behind The Death To Your Confidence.

What I find intriguing is that these experiences are not foreign to people’s spiritual lives either. The average Christian has fallen into the trap of the fear of falling short and the fear of not “being good enough” for God. Many people have come to Christ and have received a new identity. However, the moment they surround themselves with seemingly “more experienced” Christians they fall back into a performance based mindset that ultimately comes to crush any sort of they had confidence in their new identity. It’s important to note that if those self professing Christians are not exhorting you in your new identity but they are judging your performance instead; they are being servants of a different master without even realising it. The will of God is not to tear you down and crush your confidence. The will of God is to build you up in faith; standing firm in the hope of your calling through the finished work of Jesus Christ. However, the Devil doesn’t change his goals (John 10:10); the devil rarely changes his methods (Revelation 12:10); he simply glosses over them with the allure of virtue and nobility (2 Corinthians 11:13-14). Not everyone is there to help and guide you. Some people are agents of the wicked one masquerading themselves as ministers of righteousness while laying heavy burdens on you that they themselves cannot carry.

“The Wolf Beneath the Wool” - Image: Chat GPT

Redirecting the Object of Your Confidence

Christ died for our sins and rose again. We were given a brand new identity the moment we believed; both eternal and incorruptible (1 Peter 1:3-5). We stand in confidence when we believe this wholeheartedly. Our performance becomes an external overflow of what we truly believe and that will look different depending on the individual. A performative identity produces pride; not confidence.

There are two types of believers. The first are the fearful, timid believers who are worn out through striving and toiling. They have been taught to believe that their performance secures a victorious identity which means that their performance is the ultimate object of their confidence. The second is the confident believer who is simply resting in the assurance of what God has done; their identity is based on who they are as opposed to something they can claim for what they have done. Whatever there is to buy, they already own and whatever there is to be attained has already been obtained (Ephesians 1:11). One is wide-awake, the other sleeps (Psalms 127:2). One is running, the other sits. (Ephesians 2:6).

Have you ever slept sweet and sound the night before an exam? If you have, then you must have been super confident. I know I was unprepared for most of my exams through school and I’d find myself up the night before cramming all I could just to give myself the best chance of doing well. As believers we are to be like the former and not the latter; restful and confident because of the perfect sufficient work of our saviour. The boys I played football with at Chelsea that performed the best all had an inherited identity. I was simply “a good player who tried his best”. As a believer it should be no different. The Object of your confidence is what you rely on through the calm and through the raging storms of life. The object of your confidence should be the same yesterday, today and forever. Your confidence can and should only ever be in two things: WHO God is and WHO he says that YOU ARE.

Practical Takeaways

Before you walk into that room, remind yourself of who you are. As you make a bold career step, remind yourself of who you are. In moments when you feel rejected by God, remind yourself of who you are (adopted and accepted). In moments when you fall short, remind yourself of who he is and the identity he has given to you as a free gift, which is who you are. This is what the Bible calls “being renewed in the Spirit of your mind”. The more your mind is renewed the more confident you will be. I recommend reading through Paul’s letters to the Churches. What you will find throughout these books are words that affirm two things; what Christ has done and who we are in him.

Have a great day.